Toe Monsters!

Since my parents have realized that a sweet angel like me:

Deserves to sleep in the bed with them every night, I've started to get scared. I'm not sure why, but I fall asleep after licking their toes raw and then the toes scare me! These creepy looking nubs are there, just looking at me. So, when I open my eyes after having a dream of mom feeding me cookies I bounce up, growl, and usually almost fall off the bed!

Dad thinks this is ha-ha-larious. I beg to differ! I'm scared by these nighttime toes, and what does he do? He rubs his stinky gimmie toes right in my face. (If you're asking yourself what a "gimmie" toe is, its a term used from a tv show to describe a scary looking monster.)

This has started happening every night for the past week! Mom got tired of me bouncing around, growling, and then having to lift me back up onto the bed once I fall off. Now, I'm banished to the fortress of doom (refer to previous posts if confused) and all because I'm having a delicious dream, and wake up to find stinky crusty feet in my face.

WHO WOULDN'T BE SCARED??? If you're not scared by people's feet in the middle of the night, then there is something wrong with you!

I think the next time dad tries to scare me even more, I'm going to bite his toes just like I did to mom when she tried to wrestle me into my cage.

Eventually, I will teach these bad parents how to take care of the king properly. Until then, I'm off to eat more pencils, and a stash of dad's computer game Cd's that I have hidden in my crate.

Piggy on the Attack!

Well, these past couple of weeks have been great.

Mom and dad have been letting me sleep in the bed and I've been as comfortable as a piggy in a blanket - literally. Look at my little feet sticking out of the covers. That's my dad hogging all the bed AND the camera. I should have farted at his face, and then I would have gotten more room to streach out.

Last night though, my mom thought she could trick me into going to sleep in my crate. FAT CHANCE! She was blabbing on the phone while trying to pick me up. I knew right away she was up to something, so I started to run really fast in circles around her. (She's slow and can't ever catch me) So then when she would try and grab me, I would run by and bite her toes. Mom's so dumb, she started stomping her feet around trying to keep me from grabbing a toe so I jumped up and scratched her right on the hand! While she was preoccupied crying about that, I bit her toe again and then hid underneath the dining room table.

....she caught me. This capture only happened because I surrendered. I knew that if I beat her up anymore, she would smack me one real good.

Tell me, does this look like a dog that belongs in a crate?

I think not! I'm fuzzy, and squishy, and a little stinky! The perfect combination for a warm pillow that will disperse toots of fartitude, I mean gratitude all night long! Soon enough momslave will realize this.