Merry Christmas to me....NOT!!!

Leave it to my parents to find a way to ruin my Christmas!
I was quite prepared to enjoy a full week at my granny's house and terrorize aunt Tahlor, run from grandpa gripeypants, and ignore my two parents.
These plans were squashed quickly when I realized that my mother had brought an
intruder into the home!
The intruder is black, stinks like milk, has sharp teeth, and cries in her crate. Her name is Jolly, and she's my new sister. UGH! WHY would they do this to ME??!!

To the left you can see me eyeing this creature of stink!! She steals my spot on momma, and acts like she's helpless so my parents carry her around the house. She cries all night, and whines when she doesn't get her way. She even turns into a little mean muntant dog when left in the crate for longer than she likes. She clings onto the crate, shakes to door and howls like she's dying. (AND SHE'S NOT! SHE'S A FAKER!!)
However, my parents refuse to get rid of her and continue to lavish attention on her that should be mine!
I of course, found a way to extract my revenge upon all 3 of them! Jolly has her "special" food that smells mighty tasty. I was not allowed to nibble on any of which is totally not fair! Big brother's should be able to try the food first to make sure it's not bad.
While mom was preoccupied and dad was playing with evil Jolly I stole the puppy food, and hid underneath the bed with it. I made sure to eat through the bag over by the wall that way, no one could reach me. As soon as I ate half of the yummy pebbles of deliciousness mom found me and pulled the mattress off the bed to pick me up and take the bag of food away from me. RATS!!!! I As you can see I at least got half of the food first.
I think I may need to be nice to this little harpie and get her on my side..yes...she may come in handy quite quickly.

Couch Me Sundays!

Sunday is my favorite day of the week! Daddy is gone at work so he can't punish me, mom is busy doing her homework and I am left alone to snooze on the couch and watch the boob tube.
Last Sunday my mother made it her personal mission to annoy me at every possible second, and keep me from getting my fatnaps. I guess she thought I was sick because I wasn't eating anything, or stealing pens from her backpack. ( I also helped myself to a big load of kitty chocolate before she saw me but that's just between me and you!) So naturally I was tired! I had just finished a very important covert operation, ate the chocolate yuminess and didn't get yelled at, or put in the dungeon of doom.
While I sprawled myself out on the couch to enjoy my muzzle licking good traces of cat chocolate my mother kept poking me. Every single time I fell asleep she'd walk in stare at me until I opened my eyes and saw her big head in front of my face and said, "are you alright?"


Over and Over and Over and Over and Over again!

She then, proceeded to photograph every move I made. Do you see her obsession with me? at first I tried to be nice but as the photos progress you can see my annoyance. Photo 1: "You woke me up" Photo 2: "I'm watching t.v. evil wench mother!" Photo 3: "DO YOU SEE ME STICKING MY TONGUE OUT AT YOU??" Photo 4: "god please strike her down."





Normally I am used to such amazement and admiration for my handsomeness and wonderful personality but not on SUNDAYS. Does my retarded mother NOT realize that Sunday is the day of rest, and that is exactly what I will do?
Apparently not! She even waved Delicious the cat in front of my face. Taunting and insulting me as if I, were that trivial to lunge off the couch for that stupid fat ear-less cat. No!
I extracted revenge upon my mother hours later when I stole cheese out of her hand, and then farted right in her face while she was watching t.v.

adventures of Delicious at the Maci Day Parade

My cousin Maci came to visit me for Thanksgiving! Oh my gosh, another visitor for me king Ike!

Along with Maci came my auntie Taylor who often thinks she's my boss. She's always trying to teach me "tricks" or to "behave". Silly Tahlor (as I call her) hasn't realized this king obeys no one!

Anyways, while Tahlor was blabbing on with my insolent mother I took Maci off to play with my cat.

The cat has no name because I ate his face! hahaha. I guess I should just refer to him as "delicious the cat". I couldn't wait to show dodo-bird Maci what this cat can do! It's amazing I tell you!

To get the full effect I had to demonstrate "Delicious the cat's" powers. As usual Delicious is left to bleed stuffing all over the floor in my bedroom. I had Maci follow me in. I hopped up on the bed, and then took a flying leap of fat power right smack down on Delicious's belly. "GRRRR" it yelped at me and then I rolled off! Delicious the cat growls at me!!!!!!!!! Once I showed Maci I grabbed Delicious by the ear, and dragged him down the hall.

As soon as I got into the living room I was bombarded with, "No Ike", "Give that to me fat pig!", and my personal favorite, "Look at the mess you made piggy!!". I dropped Delicious at my whiny mothers feet and took off with Maci. I wasn't going to let my mom embarrass me in front of my guest.

After entertaining Maci with my ability to run so fast my tail goes straight, she slobbered on my head and I fell asleep from exhaustion. What host wouldn't? I showed her my prized possession (she wasn't allowed to touch though) and entertained her with my fantastic gifts of speed. Soon after Maci was taken back to her house, and I was left with Delicious the entire weekend!!

Toe Monsters!

Since my parents have realized that a sweet angel like me:

Deserves to sleep in the bed with them every night, I've started to get scared. I'm not sure why, but I fall asleep after licking their toes raw and then the toes scare me! These creepy looking nubs are there, just looking at me. So, when I open my eyes after having a dream of mom feeding me cookies I bounce up, growl, and usually almost fall off the bed!

Dad thinks this is ha-ha-larious. I beg to differ! I'm scared by these nighttime toes, and what does he do? He rubs his stinky gimmie toes right in my face. (If you're asking yourself what a "gimmie" toe is, its a term used from a tv show to describe a scary looking monster.)

This has started happening every night for the past week! Mom got tired of me bouncing around, growling, and then having to lift me back up onto the bed once I fall off. Now, I'm banished to the fortress of doom (refer to previous posts if confused) and all because I'm having a delicious dream, and wake up to find stinky crusty feet in my face.

WHO WOULDN'T BE SCARED??? If you're not scared by people's feet in the middle of the night, then there is something wrong with you!

I think the next time dad tries to scare me even more, I'm going to bite his toes just like I did to mom when she tried to wrestle me into my cage.

Eventually, I will teach these bad parents how to take care of the king properly. Until then, I'm off to eat more pencils, and a stash of dad's computer game Cd's that I have hidden in my crate.

Piggy on the Attack!

Well, these past couple of weeks have been great.

Mom and dad have been letting me sleep in the bed and I've been as comfortable as a piggy in a blanket - literally. Look at my little feet sticking out of the covers. That's my dad hogging all the bed AND the camera. I should have farted at his face, and then I would have gotten more room to streach out.

Last night though, my mom thought she could trick me into going to sleep in my crate. FAT CHANCE! She was blabbing on the phone while trying to pick me up. I knew right away she was up to something, so I started to run really fast in circles around her. (She's slow and can't ever catch me) So then when she would try and grab me, I would run by and bite her toes. Mom's so dumb, she started stomping her feet around trying to keep me from grabbing a toe so I jumped up and scratched her right on the hand! While she was preoccupied crying about that, I bit her toe again and then hid underneath the dining room table.

....she caught me. This capture only happened because I surrendered. I knew that if I beat her up anymore, she would smack me one real good.

Tell me, does this look like a dog that belongs in a crate?

I think not! I'm fuzzy, and squishy, and a little stinky! The perfect combination for a warm pillow that will disperse toots of fartitude, I mean gratitude all night long! Soon enough momslave will realize this.

Momma!

Meet my mom a.k.a my slave!
Now, I of course look way cuter than she does, but I don't think she would agree. Anyways, slave mom pushed me out the door this morning to make me potty on the wet grass!
This woman is insatiable!! You would think after living with the king for this long, she would understand that I DO NOT WALK ON WET GRASS!! Why is she so dense? Must I poop in her shoes to prove a point? I tried to potty in the closet this morning, but oh no she caught me and made me go outside!
Did it ever dawn on her that maybe I did that so I wouldn't have to walk in the rain, get wet, or get dirt on my paws?? Do you even think she took an umbrella outside with us? She could have at least covered my Halloween bow on my harness!
I decided to make her pay for forcing me to go outside. I took an extra long time to find the prefect potty spot and I attempted to trip her and make her fall on the cactus plant!
Eventually, I will teach this momslave to do as I want. Until then, I must be devious and eat more of her panties.

Kitty Confetti

"Ike stop!", "Ike get out of there", "Ike no!", "Bad dog!!", *Swat on the butt*
This is the thanks I get for cleaning the cat box for mom and dad!
So what, if the kitty poop makes my mouth stink?
Who cares if I have kitty confetti (Grey gravel) stuck to my nose and my whiskers?
It gives me character!!!
It seems, that no matter how slick I am, mom and dad always catch me eating kitty poop.
You know, if they don't want me to eat it, then they shouldn't let that cat use the box!!
I'm just trying to be helpful.
If they would just let me eat it all, then they wouldn't have to clean it out anymore!!!!
In other events, I have teamed up with Xing to acquire ....PANTIES!!!!
Xing and I take turns dragging all of moms underwear from the laundry bucket into the bedroom and then we gnaw on it. It seems as though that cat is finally coming in handy!

The Fall

Last night was so much fun! Mom and dad let me sleep in the bed with them! I tried my best to be a good boy and not steal any panties while they were asleep. I took up most of the bed, because what king wouldn't?
but then, this morning I was walking around and decided to lay on the side of the bed when WAHM!!! I fell off! I think mom might have helped me a little but dang that was quick! My belly went "womph" and I went "gah" and then cried.
ohhh my tummy!!
In other news, I had to go a get a shot on monday. The vet was rude to my mom so I tried to pee on her hand! I missed , but she still had to clean me up!
Then, mom took me to playland (a.k.a. petsmart) and I got my nails clipped, and a new harness! they even sprayed me with pumpkin junk because I "stunk" hmf. I should fart pumpkin spice at them, see how they like that!

Camp Grounds

Talking about barfing in dad's shoes reminded me of when I peed in them.
My parents are stupid and thought I would enjoy "camping with them" as if! I don't even like rain to get on my fur, let alone my precious toes!
When I was about 4 months old we all had to go camping in Austin. So, we parked the car and mom proceeded to carry me for a mile down the road. I cried the whole time because the rocks she was stepping on were preventing me from sleeping. I guess she thought I needed to go pee so she put me down and then dad let me escape and he had to find me in some bushes.
After they finally set up camp, I was instantly miserable. They didn't bring a sleeping bag for me. I had to share a pillow with their big fat heads! I also was forced to accompany them on every walk, "experience with nature" and I got scared when the dumb deer would come up to the tent at night.
Anyways, they did take me to a creek and let me swim around with another pug that was there. I wasn't ready to leave when they were so of course, I had to get back at them for ending my fun.
I waited until dad fell asleep and walked over to his new shoes that he had just bought, aimed and peed inside both of them! I gave him the stink eye and then took a nap. Luckily, it didn't take him long to figure it out. I was in quite some trouble for that one, but mom stepped in and said, "he's just a baby. don't get so mad" if only my mother really knew....

Scatter!

My dad is tricky tricky! What he hasn't figured out is that I'm more crafty than he is.
For some reason, he believes that I don't know when he's about to capture me and lock me inside the fortress of doom. (again reference previous posts if confused.)
A couple of nights ago I was on the bed loving on mom when she told dad it was "past my bedtime". So dad thought he could just grab me like a football and hall me off down to my crate. FAT CHANCE! I watched him approach me and as soon as he touched me, I slipped right out of his hands. I ran in circles on the bed for maybe a minute before I let him catch me. If I hadn't of started feeling sick from running in circles he wouldn't have ever gotten a hold of me!
I was still mad at him for that so I waited until last night to commence operation: dragonsbreath! While visiting Maci, and the other cousins I made sure to get real stinky and ate bugs outside in the backyard. On the way home, I sat on dad's lap and put the plan into action. First, I hogged up all the airvents blowing my stink fur all over him. After about 5 mintues of that, I turned around and gassed him with my breath!
" EWWWW BUTT MOUTH" is the first thing he said after I breathed on him. Success!! I laughed a little to myself, pushed out a fart and then layed down to sleep the rest of the way home.
Once we got home, I was immediatly banished to my crate and put to sleep. If dad keeps this treatment up, I'm going to have to throw up in his shoes! ... or pee in them again like I did when we went camping!

Covert Operations

I love purses and backpacks, and wallets too!
No matter how hard my mom tries to hide these things I find them!
Over the past two weeks I have learned how to unzip my moms backpack and steal her snacks!
Mom started to put her backpack on the dining room chair so I have to stand on my hind legs and give it a nudge with my head. Then, it falls down and i'm in business.
Before I can commence my attack I have to sneak around the corner and make sure she's not near me or she'll start screaming " PIGGGY NO!" which I don't feel like hearing.
So, once I knew she was gone I pulled on this grip thing attached to the zipper and wallah! it's open! Once inside the backpack I hit paydirt!
There was a Ziploc bag full of cheerios! I gnawed through the bag and ate everything, and then the rest of the Ziplock bag for dessert.
After munching though that treat, I stole 3 pens and hid the dungeon of doom (reference previous posts if confused)
When mom's friends came over I tried to go through their purses but they were too quick -silly girls! Ike is innocent!!!
I also enjoy eating the straps on dads backpack but I get in big, big, trouble for that one so I have to be very, very careful.
Can't wait for my parents to get home and let me out i'm hungry!

Xing Xeo

Twice today I have been bit by that evil cat - Xing. For some reason my parents thought I would love and welcome this intruder into MY home.

This is Xing to the left, pictured with my mom. Xing is quite the character. He has too much attitude, almost as much as me which I don't like.

When he first arrived I was curious and went over to investigate him which he didn't appreciate. Ever since his first day here he's come under the assumption that he doesn't have to share his food with me, can bite my ears, and stab my belly with his claws. He also refuses to allow me in his poop holder and meows viciously at me.

Earlier this morning Xing was lying on the bed and I got up there to play with him. I guess he didn't want to play with me because he latched onto my ear and then proceeded to stab me right in the gut with his claw. I screeched out a painful howl and launched myself off the bed as fast as I could.

I left the cat alone for awhile, but then I realized it must have revenge brought upon it for it's evil deeds against me. While it was sleeping on the bed I sauntered up to it and poked him right in the head! That evil cat beaned me in the head with its claw paw of pain and then hissed spit right at my eyes!

Eventually this cat will become my minion. I try and place nice with it, but he won't have any of it. Each morning when mom lets me out I run down the hall to see Xing and try to nab some of his kitty chow. As soon as that cat See's me it launches into attack and refuses to allow access to the kitty chow and hisses at me. He then proceeds to bite me on the head so then I have to run and tattle to mom who of course, does nothing.

I did burp right in Xings face today and made sure to eat trash right before.

that cat will either become my friend, or suffer the wrath of King Ike, this I promise!

Sick Bay!

While digging through the bathroom garbage I got the feeling this was something that I had done before! While I was chewing on toilet paper I started to remember this incident:
Last Christmas my mom was really sick. She had been throwing up, and lying in the bed for two whole weeks! My dad refused to let me visit and lick her face. (I could have cured her, but oh no! don't let me help out) So later on my dad had to go to a wedding but my mom was so sick she couldn't go. Dad called my grandparents to come out and stay with her while he was gone.
I knew that once he left, mom wouldn't be able to control me and I took advantage of the situation. (what loving son wouldn't??) I was happily running around the house gathering panties for my new throne, when I heard someone arrive. I ran down the stairs and it was my grandparents and my auntie Taylor.
I dashed up the stairs and Taylor was sent to catch me.
"I'd like to see her try" I ran straight for the bathroom trash and started chowing down! Once I ate the toilet paper I discovered this yummy round tissue like object that I knew was a "face cleanser" as my mom calls it.
Auntie Taylor was hot on my trail so I had to be fast! I navigated around her feet and back down the stairs I went. My aunt was yelling "no" and "stop" along with "bad boy". The more she yelled, the more I was going to run.
Once she got downstairs I let her THINK she could wrestle the face cleanser pad out of my mouth. As soon as she got too close, I gulped it down! The look on her face was priceless! I was enjoying myself immensely until I started to feel a gurgle in my belly.
"UH OH" I thought! I had to run over to my water bowl and lap up the entire contents in hopes of it calming my stomach - and it did.
Should I let this past story deter me from eating through this yummy bathroom trash? I mean, this trash can is low and it's almost like an offering to me. Nah, if I eat something that makes my belly go "gurgle gurgle" again I'll just have to drink some more water!

Sleeping Annoyances

Well, last night was quite an adventure! I thought we weren't going to grandma's house, but due to dad's job calling at 8 p.m. we ended up going.
We left the house at about 9:30 and mom didn't even let me grab a baby to take with me! she put me in the harness and pushed me out the door!
Throughout the car ride I was quite sleepy. My bedtime is at 9:00 so it was very difficult for me to stay awake. I kept trying to rest my head the in the crook of my dads arm but he was being mean and wouldn't let me. So I sat up and burped dragons breath in his face!
Shortly after that I fell asleep. I was only sleeping for about 5 minutes when I felt this hand pushing my fur around. I opened one eye and saw it was my mother. Why must she pet me while I'm sleeping? Do I do things to her while she sleeps? ...okay well thats not a good question.
Point is: King Ike does NOT want to be touched while sleeping. I grunted at her and moved my head away. Do you think she got the hint? No she didn't! She just kept petting me and saying "mwahlsjflsfjslfjsljalsdjksdlfj" I was so exhausted I couldn't even understand her.
Now I know I'm am quite cute while sleeping:


The fact that I am so cute does NOT give mom the right, or anyone else to pet me while i'm sleeping. If in doubt don't do it!
The upside to putting up with mom smooshing my head around while I was asleep is that I get to take a toy home from the fun box!

My grandparents have the bestest toys! My mom buys me stupid "kongs" and then expects me to eat the food that is inside of it. King Ike does not work for food, he just steals it!

to grandma's house we go- not!

Oh I am so mad! Every weekend I get to go to grandma's house and see my cousin Maci- who is also my best friend.
This is Maci. She's kind of dumb but she does what I tell her to, and then we both get caught and get in trouble. When we aren't getting in trouble though, we love to play tug -a-war and eat the eyeballs off of our babies. As you can see in the photo to the left I, king Ike am bossing the other two around. That puff head looking dog is Chloe - my archenemies. She thinks she can keep me off the couch when I visit my grandparents. Fat chance little q-ball, I'm fatter and stronger than you!


Shortly after this photo was taken I got in trouble for being naughty (see below) and was unjustly taken to my fortress of doom -the crate. How unfair!
Anyways, my grandfather thinks I'm annoying and calls me "little lifter" or something like that because I bounce around in my crate like I'm a low-rider truck. I enjoy making him mad and running from him because he can't catch me! hehehe! He also forgets to pick up the other dog food and I zoom over and hoover it up! I'm like a vacuum. Put the food down, and watch it disappear!
This weekend my mother is forcing me to stay home with her and be bored. I won't be allowed to dig for panties, eat trash, steal dog food, or even eat stuffing from my babies!!! So much for playing with Maci I guess I'll just have to wait until next week.
Sometimes my mom really stinks!

Diet

My parents are under the assumption they can ration my food, and NOT give me treats from the table. Well, I have news for those two! I am one hungry little man I will not be stopped.

This incident happened back at our old house. First, I'm going to tell you how I was forbidden to have tasty morsels, and then I'm going to show you how mean my parents are IN PHOTOS!

It was a Saturday morning and I had just finished my bowl of Purina yuck chow. My greedy dad was eating Cheerios and I wanted some! So, I hopped on the chair and sat there hoping my dad would give me some. Do you think he gave me some?

NO! he kept that whole bowl of cereal for himself, so rude! I decided to get some anyway! I poked my head in between his arm and the table. I waited patiently for my opportunity. First, I watched carefully with my right eye. Then, when the time was right I pounced and was denied!

Look:

Look at this blatant disregard for my rights. It's down right criminal I tell you!

Me!

My name is Ike and I'm a stout, yet adorable fawn pug. I have convinced my mom to start blogging for my benefit as well as "her sanity" as she likes to say.


This is me, about a year ago when I was little. Now, I'm about 15 lbs. heaver and have such a nice stature.

Here is some more information about me:
I'm a year and 3 months old. My stupid parents named me after hurricane Ike because dad got sent out with the guard to help and talked my mom into buying me while he was gone. I wasted no time in taking over the household and running the show!
While I am extremely cute, people seem to underestimate my smarts. I use that to fool them, and steal all of their food when they are distracted by my cuteness. My mom calls me "Slicker pig" because I run so fast when I'm in trouble (usually because I'm eating things I'm not supposed to) that my tail goes straight!
My dad on the other hand calls me fat-so piglet. That's okay, because when he's not paying attention I knock over his xbox 360 and eat his underwear!!!! ... I also like to eat his "man barbies" as mom calls them. Dad calls them warhammer junk and then yells really loud when he finds me with them.
Speaking of underwear I love panties! The dirtier the better! My mom was missing all of her panties for about a week, and then she found my stash! I had stolen all the underwear out of the laundry bucket and made a panty pile underneath my parents bed. "This king needs a throne" I said, and then I thought Whats better then a cushy throne thats multicolored??
well thats all for now. I dont want to tell all of my naughty deeds just yet!