Toe Monsters!

Since my parents have realized that a sweet angel like me:

Deserves to sleep in the bed with them every night, I've started to get scared. I'm not sure why, but I fall asleep after licking their toes raw and then the toes scare me! These creepy looking nubs are there, just looking at me. So, when I open my eyes after having a dream of mom feeding me cookies I bounce up, growl, and usually almost fall off the bed!

Dad thinks this is ha-ha-larious. I beg to differ! I'm scared by these nighttime toes, and what does he do? He rubs his stinky gimmie toes right in my face. (If you're asking yourself what a "gimmie" toe is, its a term used from a tv show to describe a scary looking monster.)

This has started happening every night for the past week! Mom got tired of me bouncing around, growling, and then having to lift me back up onto the bed once I fall off. Now, I'm banished to the fortress of doom (refer to previous posts if confused) and all because I'm having a delicious dream, and wake up to find stinky crusty feet in my face.

WHO WOULDN'T BE SCARED??? If you're not scared by people's feet in the middle of the night, then there is something wrong with you!

I think the next time dad tries to scare me even more, I'm going to bite his toes just like I did to mom when she tried to wrestle me into my cage.

Eventually, I will teach these bad parents how to take care of the king properly. Until then, I'm off to eat more pencils, and a stash of dad's computer game Cd's that I have hidden in my crate.

Piggy on the Attack!

Well, these past couple of weeks have been great.

Mom and dad have been letting me sleep in the bed and I've been as comfortable as a piggy in a blanket - literally. Look at my little feet sticking out of the covers. That's my dad hogging all the bed AND the camera. I should have farted at his face, and then I would have gotten more room to streach out.

Last night though, my mom thought she could trick me into going to sleep in my crate. FAT CHANCE! She was blabbing on the phone while trying to pick me up. I knew right away she was up to something, so I started to run really fast in circles around her. (She's slow and can't ever catch me) So then when she would try and grab me, I would run by and bite her toes. Mom's so dumb, she started stomping her feet around trying to keep me from grabbing a toe so I jumped up and scratched her right on the hand! While she was preoccupied crying about that, I bit her toe again and then hid underneath the dining room table.

....she caught me. This capture only happened because I surrendered. I knew that if I beat her up anymore, she would smack me one real good.

Tell me, does this look like a dog that belongs in a crate?

I think not! I'm fuzzy, and squishy, and a little stinky! The perfect combination for a warm pillow that will disperse toots of fartitude, I mean gratitude all night long! Soon enough momslave will realize this.

Momma!

Meet my mom a.k.a my slave!
Now, I of course look way cuter than she does, but I don't think she would agree. Anyways, slave mom pushed me out the door this morning to make me potty on the wet grass!
This woman is insatiable!! You would think after living with the king for this long, she would understand that I DO NOT WALK ON WET GRASS!! Why is she so dense? Must I poop in her shoes to prove a point? I tried to potty in the closet this morning, but oh no she caught me and made me go outside!
Did it ever dawn on her that maybe I did that so I wouldn't have to walk in the rain, get wet, or get dirt on my paws?? Do you even think she took an umbrella outside with us? She could have at least covered my Halloween bow on my harness!
I decided to make her pay for forcing me to go outside. I took an extra long time to find the prefect potty spot and I attempted to trip her and make her fall on the cactus plant!
Eventually, I will teach this momslave to do as I want. Until then, I must be devious and eat more of her panties.

Kitty Confetti

"Ike stop!", "Ike get out of there", "Ike no!", "Bad dog!!", *Swat on the butt*
This is the thanks I get for cleaning the cat box for mom and dad!
So what, if the kitty poop makes my mouth stink?
Who cares if I have kitty confetti (Grey gravel) stuck to my nose and my whiskers?
It gives me character!!!
It seems, that no matter how slick I am, mom and dad always catch me eating kitty poop.
You know, if they don't want me to eat it, then they shouldn't let that cat use the box!!
I'm just trying to be helpful.
If they would just let me eat it all, then they wouldn't have to clean it out anymore!!!!
In other events, I have teamed up with Xing to acquire ....PANTIES!!!!
Xing and I take turns dragging all of moms underwear from the laundry bucket into the bedroom and then we gnaw on it. It seems as though that cat is finally coming in handy!

The Fall

Last night was so much fun! Mom and dad let me sleep in the bed with them! I tried my best to be a good boy and not steal any panties while they were asleep. I took up most of the bed, because what king wouldn't?
but then, this morning I was walking around and decided to lay on the side of the bed when WAHM!!! I fell off! I think mom might have helped me a little but dang that was quick! My belly went "womph" and I went "gah" and then cried.
ohhh my tummy!!
In other news, I had to go a get a shot on monday. The vet was rude to my mom so I tried to pee on her hand! I missed , but she still had to clean me up!
Then, mom took me to playland (a.k.a. petsmart) and I got my nails clipped, and a new harness! they even sprayed me with pumpkin junk because I "stunk" hmf. I should fart pumpkin spice at them, see how they like that!

Camp Grounds

Talking about barfing in dad's shoes reminded me of when I peed in them.
My parents are stupid and thought I would enjoy "camping with them" as if! I don't even like rain to get on my fur, let alone my precious toes!
When I was about 4 months old we all had to go camping in Austin. So, we parked the car and mom proceeded to carry me for a mile down the road. I cried the whole time because the rocks she was stepping on were preventing me from sleeping. I guess she thought I needed to go pee so she put me down and then dad let me escape and he had to find me in some bushes.
After they finally set up camp, I was instantly miserable. They didn't bring a sleeping bag for me. I had to share a pillow with their big fat heads! I also was forced to accompany them on every walk, "experience with nature" and I got scared when the dumb deer would come up to the tent at night.
Anyways, they did take me to a creek and let me swim around with another pug that was there. I wasn't ready to leave when they were so of course, I had to get back at them for ending my fun.
I waited until dad fell asleep and walked over to his new shoes that he had just bought, aimed and peed inside both of them! I gave him the stink eye and then took a nap. Luckily, it didn't take him long to figure it out. I was in quite some trouble for that one, but mom stepped in and said, "he's just a baby. don't get so mad" if only my mother really knew....

Scatter!

My dad is tricky tricky! What he hasn't figured out is that I'm more crafty than he is.
For some reason, he believes that I don't know when he's about to capture me and lock me inside the fortress of doom. (again reference previous posts if confused.)
A couple of nights ago I was on the bed loving on mom when she told dad it was "past my bedtime". So dad thought he could just grab me like a football and hall me off down to my crate. FAT CHANCE! I watched him approach me and as soon as he touched me, I slipped right out of his hands. I ran in circles on the bed for maybe a minute before I let him catch me. If I hadn't of started feeling sick from running in circles he wouldn't have ever gotten a hold of me!
I was still mad at him for that so I waited until last night to commence operation: dragonsbreath! While visiting Maci, and the other cousins I made sure to get real stinky and ate bugs outside in the backyard. On the way home, I sat on dad's lap and put the plan into action. First, I hogged up all the airvents blowing my stink fur all over him. After about 5 mintues of that, I turned around and gassed him with my breath!
" EWWWW BUTT MOUTH" is the first thing he said after I breathed on him. Success!! I laughed a little to myself, pushed out a fart and then layed down to sleep the rest of the way home.
Once we got home, I was immediatly banished to my crate and put to sleep. If dad keeps this treatment up, I'm going to have to throw up in his shoes! ... or pee in them again like I did when we went camping!